Abacab: Analysed

It just starts. This was a fact I had long since forgotten by the time I put my headphones on. I was blissfully unaware of the impending thermonuclear explosion as I turned up my iPod to full volume, and my equalization to “bass booster”. I lay down on my favorite couch, adjusted myself until I felt just right, and gently closed my eyes, all in order to maximize my listening experience. Silence filled the room as my finger floated toward the play button on the dirty, aged screen.

No build up, no warning; it was as if someone detonated a pipe bomb centimeters away from my ears while an all cymbal funk band enter full crescendo in the background. I immediately sprang up, almost falling off my couch in the process. In that moment I felt betrayed by one of my favorite bands, and I could almost see them collectively raise their right hands and extend the body that lies between the index and ring fingers right in my face. After collecting myself I paused the song, lowered the volume a smidge, and restarted my journey into Genesis’s 11th studio album Abacab.

Like the violent beginning of its opening track, Abacab was the embodiment of progressive rock’s violent death to many fans at that that time. In fact, the early eighties as a whole were a bit of a troubling time for the once mighty prog bands of the seventies. Gone were the days of high concept material and thirty eight minute long songs. Loyal fans of these once great musical machines watched on in horror as their favorite groups began producing poppy hits for the unworthy, mouth – breathing plebs.

Genesis was probably the biggest offender, with each subsequent album following front man Peter Gabriel’s departure becoming more and more poppy. Hardcore Genesis fans despise this era of the band, and many sight Abacab as the band’s most shameless record, and sight Phil Collin’s growing popularity as one of the reasons it is musically inferior. Despite this hatred, there are still those who say that the record represents a sort of rebirth of the band, and some even dare rank it among the band’s best. As a loyal Genesis fan myself, I am conflicted. I adore the quirkiness of the old albums, but I also can’t stop my foot from tapping whenever I listen to one of their later works. After a play through of the album, along with a good amount of soul searching, I’ve found that Abacab is the product of a band in transition. Ababcab marked the point in which Genesis officially made a dive into straightforward pop music, and despite the fact that the album hits some high marks and won the band new fans, the group does struggles at certain points in the new genre, and alienates older fans in the process.

As the instrumental outro of the title track fades out, the album makes an unexpected turn with the next track, “No Reply at All”. The transition is a bit jarring, as the album shifts from classic synth heavy Genesis to a track that feels more at home on an Earth, Wind, and Fire LP. Sure the hook is catchy, and I found my foot tapping along to the horn section, but this track felt horribly out of place in a Genesis record. I’m not saying that Genesis hasn’t bit the forbidden fruit that is pop music before, but this track in particular feels extra shameless. I think it’s those horn sections in particular, which seem like they were slapped on in order to appeal to a larger audience, and ride on the success of Phil Collin’s budding solo career. The band would later master the art of prog-pop, but at this point they were still finding their footing. What you end up with here is a schizophrenic dance tune that charted well with the mainstream (making it to number 2 on the US mainstream rock charts), but leaves core Genesis fans in the cold.

Finally the chaos dies down, and audiences are greeted to an electronic drum beat and some melodic piano work that welcome in the track “Me and Sarah Jane”, a solo piece from Keyboardist and unsuccessful solo album enthusiast Tony Banks. A solid track, “Me and Sarah Jane” feels like a Genesis track should; a six ish minute track dominated by synth and vocals. It sounds like something straight out of the Trick of the Tail – Wind and Wuthering period of the late 70’s, and it feels almost like the band is apologizing to longtime fans for “No Reply at all”. The A.V. club’s Jason Heller also praised the song’s similarity to the band’s back catalogue , saying that “Me And Sarah Jane” features hints of the odd structures, rhythmic counterpoint, and melodic twists of Gabriel-era Genesis” (Heller). Genesis songs of old had a certain beautiful messiness to them, and “Sarah Jane” captures that perfectly. Despite the praise, the song’s return to the older flavors of Genesis only makes the album feel more disjointed and inconsistent.

That feeling of inconsistency only gets worse as we move into “Keep it Dark”. For as well put together as “Me and Sarah Jane” was, “Keep it Dark” is almost vomit inducing. Seriously, this track is such a mess that I honestly did not feel good while listening to it. There’s just too much going on here, from that obnoxious looping main riff to the obnoxious keyboard licks, it’s almost unbearable. However, I feel like these problems are more technical than anything. What “Keep it Dark” suffers from is a terrible mix on both the original and the 2007 remaster. The worst is when it hits the chorus, which has so much going on that it sounds like three jet engines going at full blast while a guy does a Phil Collins impression off to the side. The instruments felt like they were all fighting to be the loudest, and it felt less like a song and more like static from a TV. Most disappointing is that underneath all of it lies the foundation of a good track. I thought Collin’s vocals complimented the keyboard line well, but like I said the track is held back by bad sound mixing and an ugly lead riff that sounds more like something you’d hear at a carnival ride rather than a Genesis album.

Ugly mixes and shoddy riffs aside, “Keep it Dark” does one thing right; it ends, taking us right into “Dodo/Lurker”, arguably the album’s best tune. Like the album’s opening track, “Dodo” explodes into my ears without the slightest hesitation with a bombastic intro reminiscent of “Behind the Lines” from the band’s previous LP Duke, and may once again be a shock to those unprepared. It’s simply a great track, and a personal favorite of mine. Keyes’s dominate here, but some excellent rhythm guitar work from Mr. Mike Rutherford valiantly manages to fights its way through. Unlike the rest of the album, “Dodo” feels like one big well rounded nugget of music that perfectly demonstrates how Genesis could still create epic, Avant garde progressive pieces with ease.

Some might even ask why the entire album wasn’t similar to the song, but you have to understand that this was a strange time for Genesis, if not all of music business in general. The band were dealing with something completely foreign to them – fame. Sure the band had seen success in their in their long time progressive niche, but this was different, way different. Records were selling, and shows were sold out as the band went closer and closer into the mainstream, and with the new fans came new expectations. The tour supporting the album was the band’s highest grossing, and that trend only continued to grow, and by 1986 Genesis would be the biggest band in the world.The group successfully satisfied the ravenous hunger of both groups of fans in 1980’s Duke, but the group struggled a bit with their sophomore effort. Banks said it best in an interview from Uncut magazine, saying “It’s surprisingly difficult to write a concise song that works. It’s much easier for us to write a 26- minute epic, where you don’t have got to worry about choruses and stuff, than it is to write a four-minute song that really works,” (Bonner). Genesis eventually took a new direction towards focusing their efforts on making music for the proletariat. The new fans vastly outnumbered the older ones, and with more people came more money. Twenty minute songs are fun, but not exactly as profitable as a a “Sussudio” or a “Living Years”.

This fact becomes apparent in the following track “Who Dunnit”, which also has the distinct honor of being one of the most hated pieces of music in existence. Fans both veteran and casual all seem to hate this little song like it’s cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch or something. Many of the diehards often cite this song as the moment that Genesis damned themselves to the sevens hell’s of popular music. Critic Terry Jackson from “Prognaut” passed the song off entirely in their review of the album, saying “the much-maligned “Who Dunnit?” most likely deserves the malignment it’s been given” (Jackson). Personally…I don’t really mind it. I don’t particularly like, but I also don’t think that it’s the manifestation of the Antichrist that some people make it out to be. Sure the song has some ugly sounding keyboard effects, and the repetition of “I didn’t do it” kind of got a little bit uncomfortable because it went on a bit too long, but it really is just a weird little song. It’s almost like the Jake Lloyd of Genesis songs; sure it’s fun to trash and blame things on it, but it’s more of a byproduct of the real issues rather than the source of them.

The final three songs feel like three separate parts of one long piece, yet none of them are very remarkable on their own. “Man on the Corner” feels almost like an extension of the intro “Duchess” off of Duke, with both of them having a similar progression and an almost identical electronic drum loop. “Like it or Not” does have that feeling of classic Genesis grandiosity to it, but it doesn’t really have that same punch as similar tracks like “Dance on a Volcano” or “Afterglow”, and ends up feeling a bit anemic because of it. The strongest of three is “Another Record”, which does a good job of closing the record. I was a surprised when I heard it the first time through, mainly because the intro sounds almost like a Metallica song. I actually made sure I wasn’t on shuffle because I didn’t want any hard rock tunes to catch me off guard and take my lunch money. After the intro the song turns into pretty standard Genesis fare, and before you know it the record is over.

After all is said and done, where does Ababcab rest in the pantheon of Genesis albums? Well by no means does it deserve to sit by epics such as The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway or Foxtrot, but it’s not exactly sitting at the kid’s table eating glue with Calling All Stations either. Abacab is the product of a band in transition that took a leap of faith into the world of pop, and the album feels very rushed and inconsistent because of it. It tries too hard to appeal to fans both old new, and doesn’t feel very cohesive because of it. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t bright spots, and the album has a couple of very solid tracks that deserve places among the band’s best.

Where Abacab really succeeds is in its ability to serve as a representation of the awkward transition Genesis, along with several other progressive bands, were making during the time. King Crimson, Yes, Pink Floyd; nobody was safe from changing musical landscape brought on by the dawn of the 80’s. Even former front-man Peter Gabriel was already shocking his monkey at that point. But instead of buckling and becoming a third rate rock group, Genesis evolved, and quickly learned to embraced this new land of confusion.

 

The Best Thing About Star Wars

(Hey, i’m not dead!)

Like the spread of AIDs, the Star Wars franchise has taken over the world and prevented millions from ever having sex. The franchise has nearly universal acclaim, and has legions of fans who will fight and die to defend the honor of the sacred films, except the prequels. I am one of those dipshits, and a proud one at that.

Why do I love Star Wars ? Is it because of the religious undertones ? The epic space cock fights ? The fact that it’s a shining example of the ol’ Heroes Journey? Mediclorians? Don’t get me wrong, I dig all of this stuff, but it’s not my favorite part of the franchise. I love Star Wars because I love this man –

Emperor motherfuckin’ Palpatine: The hardest working man in the galactic genocide biz. No fictional character has ever been more conniving, manipulative and Patient than this BAMF. This asshole is responsible for nearly every single event in the franchise, and had an entire galaxy by the balls in a relatively short amount of time. And did i forget to mention that Darth Vader, THE Darth Vader, is essentially his personal butler?

Speaking of balls, this man looks like balls. No seriously look at the picture and tell me that’s not a scrotum on his face. Yet despite the adversity that comes with having male genitalia for a face, Palpatine managed to work his way up from being the representative of Shitsville, Naboo, to chancellor of the republic, until finally declaring himself space Hitler pope for life, all within the space of a couple of decades.

The man isn’t a humorless bore like most Star Wars villains either. In fact, I would go as far as to say that i’d hang out with the man without question. Oddly enough, there are a couple of moments where Palpatine is a genuinely cool dude. He has a lot of charm to him, and even a great sense of humor. He’s definitely the most fun too watch on screen besides Darth Vader.

I think a lot of what makes the character so fun is actor Ian McDiarmid’s over the top performance. He owns nearly every scene he’s in, overshadowing even his mighty apprentice. Some might call his performance a bit too much, but I think it’s nearly perfect. It’s the right blend of humor, ruthlessness, and pure insanity that is just shear acting perfection.

Sadly he is defeated by the power of love, and then thrown down the elevator shaft of his dope pent house on top of the Death Star. Poetic actually, because he died just like he lived: like a bad ass.

 

 

 

Oranges

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Holy shit Oranges are so good. Seriously guys like wow. I had this epiphany this morning after eating one of the sweet sweet sweet little bastards.

Went a little like this…

I was walking around my house this morning. All of a sudden my stomach was all like “hot diggity damn it’s feeding time bitch you best find a snack soon or else ima pop myself and flood yo little bitch ass with ma’ acids *grumble* *grumble*.”

So at the request of my stomach, I decided that it would be best to find some nourishment. I grabbed a box of wheat thins and was about to satisfy my hunger demons until I got an equally threatening message from my own brain.

He said “stop right there dipshit. Whatever you eat comes right back up bitch.”

I had forgotten that I have an incredibly hard time eating in the morning. You know that feeling of when you want breakfast but the very thought of food makes you feel worse than being given an old fashioned from a squid while watching Spider Man 3. Yaa that.

I was in dark place then. I needed a big strong food in my life. And that’s when he entered my life.

“Hey baby, come on over hear and eat me.”

I looked over and there he was, a lone orange, resting on the countertop. He was beautiful.

I hesitated, but his welcoming and gentle gaze got the better of me.

Removing my – FOLLOWING TEN PARAGRAPHS OMITTED DUE TO GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR ANYONE THAT ISN’T AN OLD TESTAMENT GOD –

And it also tasted pretty good too. So ya Oranges are cool I guess sure.

Ride Along 2 Review: Oh that Kevin Hart

      Oh the comedy sequel, what a strange beast you are. I guess it makes it sense on paper: Funny movie does modestly well, so why can’t we do it again? It’s this type of thinking that gives us oddities like Ghostbusters 2, Pitch Perfect 2, and most recently, Ride Along 2, starring 20% of NWA and a midget doing an impression of Chris Tucker from The Fifth Element.

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      To be honest, I really don’t mind this movie, despite how much people are tearing it apart. Never saw the first film, so I really didn’t no what to expect, but I felt like I really wasn’t missing any key plot info. From what I could gather, Kevin Hart plays a rookie cop about to tie the not with the sister of the police force’s resident douchebag played by Ice Cube. The two travel to Miami to investigate a criminal organization run by some dude with a sexy accent. Olivia Munn and Ken Jeong show up, and the movie’s over before you know it.

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      From a filmmaking standpoint, it checks all the boxes. The camera work is acceptable, the stunts are fun, and the whole cast does a solid job. It even has a plot! There are some odd sequences animated to look like a Grand Theft Auto style video game which look strange but I believe that was the intent. Again the film is generally acceptable from a technical standpoint, with the only sequence that looked straight up terrible was one that involved the shittiest CGI alligator I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing.

       The big issue with the film is that it simply wasn’t that funny, which being a comedy is kind of a big deal. Kevin Hart’s antics provide an odd chuckle every once and a while, but overall I really didn’t find myself laughing all that much. Ice Cube’s character is so unlikable that whenever he started roasting Kevin Hart it felt as though I was watching a psychopath drive a white hot peice of metal into a puppy, and not in a good way. The film tries oh ho ho it tries, but alot of the jokes just kinda fall flat. I think it was because it seemed like they were trying too hard to make Hart funny, and forgot the rest of cast. Such a waste too since Ken Jeong is such a riot. It’s like -insert old timey saying about focusing too much on one thing -. Yah that. Just like that.

      Still, it is an above average comedy sequel. The few laughs that I did have were good ones, and overall I got a sense that they were at least trying. This most likely won’t be the last we see of these movies either (the film finally dethroned Star Wars). It’s not terrible, but it’s not great either. See it or don’t, it won’t hurt or help you.

5/10 Chris Tuckers

The Pros and Cons of having Mutton Chops

For some horrible, god awful reason, I decided it would be a good idea to grow out my sideburns. One thing led to another, and now I look like this man:

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It’s been a few weeks, so I decided to take the time to think about my unorthodox choice of facial hair and come up with a short Pros and Cons list based off of my experience. Probably won’t go too in depth because, at the end of the day, it’s just hair you plebs.

Pros
– You can rock that Civil War general look and emancipate some bitches.
– Unlike most other beards your chin isn’t a myth perpetuated by the village elders in order to scare people from leaving the village.
– You fend off all manner of villains, hooligans, and sexual deviants that may come your way.
– I have an uncontrollable urge to build a cabin made of meat.
– I can now play the moonshine bottle.
– My fur trapping business has really taken off.
– I played every character in The Revenant
– I single handedly routed a Sioux raiding party that attacked my cavalry division.
– I was our 8th and 21st president

Cons
– For those looking to impress the fairer sex abandon all hope now.
– Battle of Little Big Horn wasn’t fun
– It keeps telling me to kill people
– lost my chin to frostbite
– Everyone always tries to challenge me to duel
– I clogged my arteries thanks to my excessive meat consumption
– I’m typing this on a keyboard made of injun’ skulls
– Nonstop boxing tires my killing arm
– I look like Latino pancake man from Return of the Jedi

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So that’s my two sense on Mutton Chops… Yay

The Revenant Review: Bears Suck

I fucking loved Birdman. I don’t know if it was the humor, the fantastic cast, or the beautiful way it was shot that got to me, but i do know that I loved every second of its relatively short running time. Director Alejandro González Iñárritu is a master of what he does, and he continues to prove that in Birdman’s followup – The Revenant, starring Bane and the kid from Whats Eating Gilbert Grape.

In this outing Iñárritu takes us to the harsh landscape of the frozen american west, at a time when men were men, beards were long, and everybody was an asshole.

Right off the bat you’ll notice the film’s incredible cinematography, done almost entirely in natural light. The film world feels very disgusting and dangerous, but in a good way. This depiction of the frontier has a very genuine and realistic feel to it that I think it actually gave me typhoid while watching it. Birdman showed us that Iñárritu was the master of the long take, and The Revenant is no exception. The film is full of them, all of them incredible, but one involving a clash between a group of natives and a party of fur trappers left me speechless. I was pleasantly surprised by how well Iñárritu could direct action sequences. You won’t find any shakeycam bullshit here, as each new encounter feels very natural and smooth, and harsh all at once. Iñárritu doesn’t hold back either, and the movie as enough blood and man steak to rival a Tarantino film. All of this adds up to a visually striking experience you simply can’t look away from.

But a movie can only look so good, and at some point you actually need to tell a story. When you take a good look at it, The Revenat’s narrative is pretty cut and dry: man gets revenge on man for killing his son. Thankfully the cast as a whole delivers such a great performance that it doesn’t really matter all of that much, with the real standout for me a being Tom Hardy as the man who old Leo DiCap’s is after. I liked the way Hardy’s character was written as a sympathetic villain, and his terrifying performance only amplified that fact. He even has one of those Bane type voices, which although it sort of makes him hard to understand it’s still a joy to listen to.

Then of course there’s Mr DiCaprio, who plays the guy who gets the absolute shit kicked out of him. Oh my god, they should have called this movie “2 hours of Leonardo DiCaprio suffering: the movie.” Seriously though, just give this poor man an Oscar. He spends a good chunk of the movie crawling, ye CRAWLING, through the ice and snow, not regaining the ability to walk until the latter half of the film. I won’t spoil to much, but this man goes through some crazy shit, so much so that the film feels almost like torture porn at times, which depending on how much you liked Titanic, may be good or bad.

Despite being a very good movie worthy of all the praise it gets, there were some eyebrow raising moments. There are a number of dream sequence bits throughout the film that are meant to show character motivation and explain some backstory, but they’re so strange and out of place that they just come off as a bit too avant garde for my liking. I felt that they just weren’t as well done as the rest of the film, and some were so cringe worthy that I even burst out laughing at times. There’s also some pretty terrible CGI animals in some parts of the film that stick out like a copy of golf enthusiast in a pile of smut mags.

Still, these flaws are minor in compared to the rest of the film and are mostly just nitpicks on what really is an achievement in film making. Weather you enjoy great film making, or just want to see Leo get the tar beaten out of him, definitely give The Revenant a look.

9/10 would Bear again.

 

 

First off…

Holy fuckballs you’re actually reading this. Shit I didn’t think i’d make it this far. Gimme a second to think of something professional to say….OK I think I’ve got something.

Ladies and gentleman, let’s start a blog…

In this day and age, every poor pleb with basic motor skills has an opinion, and thanks to the interwebs, every opinion has an outlet. Be it a blog, a tweet, or a passive aggressive Facebook post, no thought goes unpublished in today’s increasingly connected world.

If prison taught me anything, it’s that a) fuck the zetas, and b) starting a blog would be cool. How those two are connected i’m not sure.

In all seriousness though, here’s how things are probably going to work…probably…

Posts will take a variety of forms including reviews of movies and music, jokes and funny stories, and thoughts on various subjects. I’ll post as often as I can about a wide range of stuff, but there may be some periods of silence depending on what’s going on in the real world.

I really don’t know what i’m doing… so yeah that’s fun. I’m just as curious to see where this page goes a you are. Major changes to the page will be a regular thing.

And that’s about it, can’t wait to see where this goes…Cheers600px-Starwars-A295